Between the Lines

I didn’t think I’d live this long.  I mean, I never thought I was going to die or anything, but I never thought I’d make it this far. I could never vision a future for myself. Honestly, I still struggle with that.  I’ve always been the type to chase after finding myself. Throw myself in new spaces— different jobs, friendships, hobbies— trying to find who I am. What new angle of me would I learn from this experience?  But truth be told, I haven’t gotten anywhere— just become a jack of all trades who is still just as confused as I was before.  Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. Maybe a little less confused since I have more life experience— but still wondrous about myself and chasing the enigma I am.  I always know when it’s time to go. I’ve always said that I’m like a sponge. I absorb everything, then I wring myself out and throw myself into somewhere new. I’ve repeated patterns, I’ve outgrown some, and I’m sure there’s more I haven’t even uncovered yet that I will la...

I do my best to keep it real with myself. And the truth is: I’m at a crossroads. As 25 nears, I’ve been checking in— am I building the life I want? For years, I dreamed of the stability I never had growing up. Now that I have it… it feels fine. And that’s the problem. It’s just  fine . I don’t say that because I crave the chaos of instability. I say it because I know I deserve more. I want to be lit from within, to feel like lightning has struck my body—or honestly? That I  am  the fucking lightning. I’ve outsourced myself for so long that I wondered:  maybe I feel bored because I was addicted to toxic cycles? But the truth is: you’ll never feel peace in a place that isn’t meant for you. And there’s no reason to keep holding yourself to old, outdated standards once you’ve outgrown them. Sometimes there’s no explaining things—you just  know . So what kind of life do you want? Do you want a life that’s just fine, or do you crave more? Do you want to know yourself ...