Between the Lines

When I was in preschool, I got my first crush on a boy named Miles. I went home to my grandma and asked her about soulmates. She explained to me that God chooses someone special for us to share our lives with. At 5, I didn’t really question the rhetoric, but as I grew I really started to question a lot about interpersonal relationships— and especially why my parents and grandparents were no longer together. The generational curse of divorce is strong amongst my lineage, and I don’t mean to bring this up in a frame of judgement by any means— I bring it up in a form of cautious learning. This was one of those things that, though I had no hand in it myself, I’ve greatly suffered the consequences of others before me. When I was a teenager I never thought I’d escape this curse— like I’d never be loved or accepted for who I am, that I’d be left alone forever, the self hatred list goes on and on— but the anger of it was even stronger .  I’ve now learned about generational trauma and h...

I used to think jealousy was ugly, but now I know it’s just grief in disguise. Ever heard the saying “ you attract what you are ”? Well, it’s true. And guess what? All your subconscious thoughts, worries, and patterns you have will attract situations that will reflect them back to you. Sounds fucking terrifying, doesn’t it? But it shouldn’t be something to be afraid of.  This is called mirroring. Life will show you where you’re lacking to show up for yourself.  This can look like consistently being shown the same lesson in personal relationships, friendships, finances, work— and it all relates in the way you show up yourself. It can feel like hell, but what’s even worse is constantly repeating patterns. Surprisingly, they’re not here to harm you— they are here to guide you.  This guidance is to come back to yourself. To reflect on the hardest, worst parts of yourself that need healing. What you expect is what you will experience— even if it’s subconscious. Often times w...

Recently I’ve been following what scares me while still honoring what’s authentic to my heart. This means I’ve been speaking up for myself when I feel outspoken, allowing myself to take up space when I feel inferior, extending a hand when it seems right—but not overextending. Overall, putting myself first. This has been the most terrifying experience for my nervous system. It thinks we are at war. In reality, I’m learning to let go of working myself up, doubting whether my words matter, valuing others above myself, and constantly anticipating rejection. I’m learning to choose stillness and surrender instead. When the inferior inner monologue starts, I acknowledge it—but I also talk to myself out loud to calm my sensory overload. I'm letting go of old belief systems that my nervous system finds solace in— and while my voice still shakes, my eyes still pool with tears of frustration, it won’t stop me from speaking my truth. One of the hardest lessons I’m going through is learning to ...

This piece came from a space of reflection— on love, regret, and the moments that change us— whether we want them to or not. It’s not quite a poem, not quite a story. I’m not even quite sure what it means, but it poured out of me one day nonetheless.  It started with the first line. Then I realized that it’s never actually specified what fruit Eve ate. While researching, I tried to figure out the name of the tree in the Garden of Eden. It’s called the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It made me wonder: is  fruit  consciousness? And does that mean consciousness is a sin?  So I started typing, and this is what I ended up with… // I never knew damnation would feel so holy But one glance at you and I was condemned Rotten like the fruit Eve ate from the tree The serpent coiled around me while I was on my knees  The freedom that comes from knowledge Burnt like guilt beneath my skin The way the rain poured when you were near To wash away our sins Sacrificed myself f...

I know it sounds contrary, doesn’t it?— But think about it. How many people were witnesses to your becoming that you no longer speak to? For me, it’s plenty. I have no shame in admitting that I’ve lost a lot of people I was once close to as I’ve grown. It’s a sign of living, of changing— like a sponge absorbing all it can before being wrung out to absorb again. You shouldn’t judge yourself too harshly if you’ve been through the same. When I say the most important people, I mean the ones who gave me hope when I was young. People who showed me there was a future worth believing in, even when I couldn’t see past the day I was living. People who gave me space and showed up for me when I didn’t think I deserved to take any up— when I was so young, so raw, and so pained. I wasn’t damaged goods. I wasn’t unworthy. I was just doing the best I could with what I knew at the time. It doesn’t mean the memories I made with people are in vain because they’re no longer in my life. It do...

Hi! It's nice to meet you! My name is Haili. I grew up in Ohio, but I have lived in Nashville, TN for almost three years. I am 24, and just about as confused with what I'm doing with my life as anyone in their early 20's. Or 30's. Or 40's... Between you and me... Do we  ever  really figure it out? I actually started making this site about six years ago, closed the tab one night and forgot about it. I had no confidence to spring out of my shell then. I have went through a lot since- cosmetology school, a pandemic, working full time, heartbreaks, moving around- a soul search if you will. During this time, I have pondered more than the google search handle bar has had searches. From an early age, I have always felt that I am here to help others, to be a light in this mundane world. I feel things a lot deeper than most, which I always hated myself for, but I now see it as fortitude. It is a way to relate and connect to others. Over time I have gained the knowledge that ...